Thursday, September 11, 2008

Pastors say the darnest things!

Here are some statements I have heard, made over the pulpit or quoted in church bulletins. If you know of any, please put it down in your comment!


My favourite Pulpit Bloopers.

1. God is both male and female. So then it is in the bedroom
(read sexual intimacy) that men and women (read husbands and wives) are most like God.

[And what will the singles say, when they realize that not only did they miss out on the fleshly pleasures of wedded bliss but they also missed the chance of becoming more like God?]

What does the bible have to say about it?

Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.


In God's eyes there is no discrimination between race, status or gender. We are all equal in Christ. It is just as wrong to elevate the married status over the unmarried as it is to elevate the single life over the married.


2. Without the consecrated ministry (a ministry where full-time workers are required to give up marriage, career and worldly goods and be subservient to their religious head ), God cannot perfect His church.

[Which do you find more offensive? The idea that such unreasonable demands are thrust on those who want to serve God? Or the suggestion that God CANNOT do something?]

The bible tells us of three things God cannot do.

Numbers 23:19
God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?

James 1:13
When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;

Galatians 6:7
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.


There is no one God the Father trusts more than His Son and it is JESUS who is the author and perfecter of our faith (Heb 12:2)! God has not delegated that job to anyone else.

Hold fast to the promise of God and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.
Psalm 138 The LORD will perfect that concerns me;Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.


3. You are not living a Christian life if you are not living in community (with like minded believers).

Institutional Christianity teaches that if one doesn't belong to a church one can't profess to be christian. It's kinda like saying that a house isn't a home unless it's in the right neighbourhood!

The Pharisees had a similar slant to their religious beliefs. If Jesus was indeed the Messiah, he'd stop healing on the Sabbath day and observe all the ceremonial customs that their Jewish community dictated. Jesus didn't play by their rules because he wasn't playing their game! But he was the Messiah nevertheless!

Some labels are more popular than others - 'church family' or 'christ-centered community'. But there is no difference whether you are 'connected' or 'belonging' or being in 'committed involvement' in the local church, none of these can 'produce' a christian.

I believe this mindset originates from false teachings that promote thinking such as:
"Apart from the church there can be no salvation", "God cannot be his father whose church is not his mother", "The five goals of worship, discipleship, fellowship, ministry and evangelism can only be properly carried out in the spiritual environment of a local church" etc.

I don't care how 'correctly' they are worded, NONE of them are based on scripture! Jesus never taught that people need to belong to an organization to be close to Him. Strangely, many well-schooled theologians and pastors of both traditional and charismatic churches are more than happy to teach such things in their classes and to their congregations!

In 1 Cor 1: 20ff, Paul (himself a well educated Pharisee!) said,
20Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.

26Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

Has the CHURCH now become our wisdom? our righteousness? our holiness and redemption? GOD FORBID!

I think the Sauls of present day Christianity seriously need a Damascus experience. Like Paul, they need to get knocked off their feet and hear the voice of Jesus speaking directly to them to realize how blind they have become! And believers who place so much stock in the seminary qualifications of their pastors will do well to go back and study the Word of God for themselves. God has already given us His Holy Spirit who has the mandate to lead us into all Truth and reveal Christ to us who is the Living Word!

John 16: 13-14
13But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. 14He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you
.

I can only conclude, if you want to be scripture smart you need to be theology stupid!


4. Everyone is called to be a cell leader (referring to the G12 cell group model)

The proponents of such a teaching study the Bible as if it were a handbook of principles/ rulebook. They come up with some preposterous statements like; Jesus discipled 12 so 12 is the magic number of people we need to disciple at any given time. This in turn leads to further 'revelations' as to why cell groups never thrive if they are allowed to grow beyond this number. Conclusion? For cell groups to be healthy and viable, leaders should ensure cells are multiplying and not remain stagnant. Soon the majority of church members are of the opinion that G12 is 'the way' to disciple people! And that they are doing it more 'correctly' than other cell churches.

What a deception! It looks and sounds good. Its got more than a couple of scriptures to 'back it up'. It's coming from someone who flaunts the right credentials and has pulpit presence, with years of ministry experience tucked under his belt. The leadership is united in their 'conviction' that its what their church needs to grow. How can it NOT be from God?

It is a sad reality that when you don't have God's Word in you, everything will sound like 'Chicken soup for the soul'!

Friends, just because something is 'working' is no proof that God is for it. (Saul continued to fight and win his battles for some time even after God had rejected him from being king). The word of God in you is sharper than a double edged sword, able to separate what is of God from what is of the flesh (Hebrews 4:12).

Unfortunately many believers have just enough bible knowledge to wield a blunt butter knife.


5. Poverty is a curse.

Read the following scriptures.

Matt 19:24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

Matt 19:21 Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

Matt 6: 19-20"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Hebrews13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

I Tim 6:10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

What about the widow in Luke 12? The poor woman who could ill afford the 2 measly copper coins she dropped into the treasury impressed Jesus more than the rich who gave generously out of their plenty.

In Matt 26:6-8 While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table.When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. "Why this waste?" they asked. 9"This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor."

Do you know what was Jesus' response? (I wonder how Oprah and Bono will react to it!)

He said, "The poor you will always have with you but you will not always have me"

Oh and do you know what else? Jesus died with nothing but the clothes on his back. He even had to be laid in a borrowed tomb which confirms that Jesus died a POOR man!

The Kingdom of the Son is not dependent on earthly currencies. It is not affected by monetary lack neither does it benefit from its excess. There are more scriptures to tell us that Jesus taught his disciples that wealth and the love for it is far more an obstacle to the eternal life He offers to us than poverty itself.

Still think its the poor who are under a curse?

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