Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Enough said

I was browsing in a pay less bookstore just looking for a bargain when i came across this book entitled 'In the eye of the storm' by Max Lucado. I just flipped it open and this quote caught my eye.
"A season of suffering is a small price to pay for a clear view of God"
Profound. I think its what Job would have said too.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My darling girl

I am suffering from emotional stress. My breathing is laboured and just last week i felt it choking the very life out of me. I had to see Dr. Mike. He said i am headed for a nervous breakdown if i don't deal with it. Seems like I've been dealing with it forever. How long Lord? How long must i suffer the unjust practices of so called 'godly' men? Forgive you said. Let it go. Bury the past and don't look back. I do but i see it again & again.
What is forgiveness? It's cancelling the debt owed to you. It's choosing to bear the consequences of someone else's sin. It's accepting the pain of betrayal while releasing your offender from the punishment he deserves. It's a very noble thing to do. It is for that reason, Jesus is my hero. It's why i think Nelson Mandela is a great man. But it's so very very hard.
A counsellor suggested that I feel like this because I have not fully forgiven. Just adding insult to my injury and salt to my wounds. If I am doing it wrong, tell me how to make it right. You think i enjoy this?
I feel unappreciated, unloved, and at times hated without cause. I feel that discrimination is alive & well even in the community of faith today. I feel it's worse if you are female and single because you have none to speak on your behalf. You feel like a liability, a non-entity, a big zero. I say 'feel', coz i want so much to be proven wrong. You give and give to others and in the end your hands are empty. I ask myself, and for what? Spare me the sermons on dying to self. I think i died a long time ago. But if i'm dead, how come it hurts so much?
Last week i broke down. I told God, you had the best years of my life. Now i want what's left. And then i cried some more. I felt i had come to the end of myself. But it's funny. In desperation i called my friend and she's talking but it's his voice i hear. He calls me...my darling girl. I am so FOR you. I break down again but this time i feel his love washing my wounds...healing my pain.

1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.

The Bible, Psalm 13 (New Living Translation)

Friday, November 03, 2006

10 habits of highly defective church leaders

A slip of tongue gave me the idea for this post! :o)
A friend of mine was telling me about a book he had borrowed from the library. Instead of "7 habits of highly effective people" i heard it as 'highly defective people'. I was practically raised in church and throughout my life, i've come across many ‘interesting’ characters in various leadership roles. Some of them have left what i will call a lasting impression on me and my family... I have listed what i think are the most damaging (the word defective lends to this!). I'm sure you will recognize some of these characteristics in people you personally know and perhaps even yourself? I am not putting anyone down. I am guilty too. So read and learn!

10 Habits of Highly Defective Church Leaders
(in no particular order)
  1. Flattery, intimidation and manipulation are useful tools to get people to do what you want (because NOTHING must stand in the way of God's work!).
  2. Constantly put others down so you can feel good about yourself (But don't forget to add, "Just kidding!").
  3. DON'T TOUCH THE LORD'S ANOINTED! is useful to deflect unwarranted advice. (Unfortunately it works just as well on constructive criticism but who cares?)
  4. Encourage open & honest communication, then promptly silence the one who doesn't quite 'flow' with what leadership is saying. (I'm sure Jesus will agree that nothing's more important than corporate unity!)
  5. Love and cherish only those who agree with you; don't bother with people who won't back you up. (What did you say? That's what pharisees do? No way!)
  6. You can always mask serious character flaws with personal charm and charisma.
  7. Perform unqualified psycho-analysis on people you consider weak & problematic. (Btw, we don't call it judging coz the bible prohibits it)
  8. Remember that stinginess is a true sign of godly stewardship. (If you must give it away, make sure you take the credit)
  9. Readily admit your weaknesses (Once people know, they've no choice but to live with it)
  10. Why have personal confrontations when you can do it from the pulpit?