The Beatitudes (RCV)

The institutional church reads Matthew 5 quite differently from how the original author intended it. I'll call it the 'Beatitudes (REVISED CHURCH VERSION)'!

On Members
1. Blessed is he who attends church every Sunday without fail, for he shall be called Spiritual.

2. Blessed is he who tithes regularly, because he will be permitted to vote in the AGM.

3. Blessed is he who upholds the traditions of the Holy Fathers, for he will be called a loyal son of the Church.

4. Blessed is he who attends cell group for he will be deemed part of the community faithful.

5. Blessed is he who attends all social events on the church calendar for he knows the meaning of true fellowship.

6. Blessed is he who is rich in works because it helps disguise a lack of true spirituality.

On Ministry
1. Blessed is he who can sing and play the guitar for he will be set apart to lead others to worship.

2. Blessed is he who is endorsed by his leaders, for his ministry will never lack support.

On Leadership
1. Blessed is he who leads but even more blessed are those who follow his lead.

2. Blessed is he who never questions leadership, for it is crucial to the unity of the church.

3. Blessed is he who submits to his pastor/leaders for it is equal to submitting to God himself.

4. Blessed is he who has vision and charisma, for it is divine proof that he is 'anointed' to lead.

5. Blessed are those ordained to be pastors/ leaders for they are God's chosen ones.

6. Blessed are the church staff for they will be considered worthy to serve God's chosen ones.

On Speakers
1. Blessed is he who prophesies encouragement for he will be invited to preach again.

2. Blessed is he who comes adorned with a string of credentials for he comes in the name of the Lord.