End of an era

The end of an era.

After having served the institutional church for 7 years 3 months, i have left it all - my position, my ministry, my fixed stipend, my wonderful students (and very possibly my credibility as a bible teacher!) to follow the ONE who loved me and gave His life for me.

i am so sick and tired of mediocre christianity. Weary of trying to please both God and the religious community. i learnt (the hard way) that you can't atttempt to do that without seriously damaging yourself emotionally and physically. It is my experience, that when you try to serve God under the yoke of an institution it can literally choke the life out of you!

If I try to make sense of the turmoil i have experienced as fulltime church worker, these past few years (and more intensely the past few months), this is what I discovered. Like Job, I have been wrestling to understand why the 'spirituality' that surrounds me is at odds with the God I personally encountered more than 20 years ago.

And what was worse is that i worked so hard to reconcile the two. Most unhelpful were distant relatives of Job's friends who constantly pitched their theories of God even though these proved inadequate and shallow. But who was i to disagree? In learning and experience they were more 'qualified' to expound on the theology of God and His ways.

But tell me, why is the God in my Bible more pure, more righteous, more just, more loving & compassionate than the god we serve in our religious insitutions? Why does this God i know forbid me to have any other gods beside Him. What kind of God takes everything you hold precious, leaving you empty handed? The jealous kind. The Old testament God who takes great pleasure in the aroma of roasting flesh on the sacrificial altar. He rips out even the seemingly harmless and innocent affections in your life.

Stripping you of every earthly security that has helped you sleep soundly at night. Stopping at nothing until He has the satisfaction of knowing that all of you belongs to Him - body and soul. Until the only thing keeping you sane and centered is the seed of His word that He sows carefully in the bloody soil of your heart. For nothing must stand in the way of your devotion to Him. Isn't that what it means to love God with all your heart, soul and strength?

Strange. How different from the god we worship on Sundays, don't you think?

I know something now that i did not know then. The ways of man are in complete opposition to the ways of God. Today the institution that calls itself 'church' is governed by man's rules not God's laws. But how can it be his Body that chooses to follow after 'visionaries' who preach a different gospel from the incarnated Christ?

Stop lying to yourself. Stop compromising the truth. Stop trying to reconcile the two. Its time to choose whom you will serve.

But what balm for my broken heart? My broken body? Only the words of Jesus bring healing.

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. - Matthew 11: 28-30