End of an era

The end of an era.

After having served the institutional church for 7 years 3 months, i have left it all - my position, my ministry, my fixed stipend, my wonderful students (and very possibly my credibility as a bible teacher!) to follow the ONE who loved me and gave His life for me.

i am so sick and tired of mediocre christianity. Weary of trying to please both God and the religious community. i learnt (the hard way) that you can't atttempt to do that without seriously damaging yourself emotionally and physically. It is my experience, that when you try to serve God under the yoke of an institution it can literally choke the life out of you!

If I try to make sense of the turmoil i have experienced as fulltime church worker, these past few years (and more intensely the past few months), this is what I discovered. Like Job, I have been wrestling to understand why the 'spirituality' that surrounds me is at odds with the God I personally encountered more than 20 years ago.

And what was worse is that i worked so hard to reconcile the two. Most unhelpful were distant relatives of Job's friends who constantly pitched their theories of God even though these proved inadequate and shallow. But who was i to disagree? In learning and experience they were more 'qualified' to expound on the theology of God and His ways.

But tell me, why is the God in my Bible more pure, more righteous, more just, more loving & compassionate than the god we serve in our religious insitutions? Why does this God i know forbid me to have any other gods beside Him. What kind of God takes everything you hold precious, leaving you empty handed? The jealous kind. The Old testament God who takes great pleasure in the aroma of roasting flesh on the sacrificial altar. He rips out even the seemingly harmless and innocent affections in your life.

Stripping you of every earthly security that has helped you sleep soundly at night. Stopping at nothing until He has the satisfaction of knowing that all of you belongs to Him - body and soul. Until the only thing keeping you sane and centered is the seed of His word that He sows carefully in the bloody soil of your heart. For nothing must stand in the way of your devotion to Him. Isn't that what it means to love God with all your heart, soul and strength?

Strange. How different from the god we worship on Sundays, don't you think?

I know something now that i did not know then. The ways of man are in complete opposition to the ways of God. Today the institution that calls itself 'church' is governed by man's rules not God's laws. But how can it be his Body that chooses to follow after 'visionaries' who preach a different gospel from the incarnated Christ?

Stop lying to yourself. Stop compromising the truth. Stop trying to reconcile the two. Its time to choose whom you will serve.

But what balm for my broken heart? My broken body? Only the words of Jesus bring healing.

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. - Matthew 11: 28-30

Gospels revisited - Part 1

Mark1:9-11
It came to pass in those days that Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee, and was baptized by John in the Jordan. 10 And immediately, coming up from the water, He saw the heavens parting and the Spirit descending upon Him like a dove. 11 Then a voice came from heaven, “You are My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”

Mark 9: 2-8
Now after six days Jesus took Peter, James, and John, and led them up on a high mountain apart by themselves; and He was transfigured before them. 3 His clothes became shining, exceedingly white, like snow, such as no launderer on earth can whiten them. 4 And Elijah appeared to them with Moses, and they were talking with Jesus. 5 Then Peter answered and said to Jesus, “Rabbi, it is good for us to be here; and let us make three tabernacles: one for You, one for Moses, and one for Elijah”— 6 because he did not know what to say, for they were greatly afraid.
7 And a cloud came and overshadowed them; and a voice came out of the cloud, saying, “This is My beloved Son. Hear Him!” 8 Suddenly, when they had looked around, they saw no one anymore, but only Jesus with themselves.
-The Bible (NKJV)

Twice God commends His Son. Under Jewish law, two witnesses are all that’s needed to establish a fact. Since God can only swear by Himself, He alone gives witness to His Chosen one. Not once but twice. And nowhere in the Bible, will we find God conferring similar praise to anyone apart from His Son.

The only man God ever endorsed was His Son.
The only ministry God ever endorsed was obedience to His Word.
The only method God ever endorsed was the way of the cross.

Guess what? Nothing's changed.

Why do we insist on an individual to mentor us? Forcing ourselves to fit into a ministry mould? Draining our brains trying to hit on the right strategy or method to carry out kingdom business?

What then should our response be? Read the gospels. Examine the claims Jesus made about Himself. Think about what He said (in particular what He didn't say).

Jesus never said, "I know a way"
Jesus never said, "I know of a truth"
Jesus never said, "I know about life"

He said "I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH and THE LIFE. No one can come to the Father except through me".

The woman in ICU

A woman chronically ill occupies a bed in the Intensive Care Unit. A host of expert doctors have been assigned to her case. But none have succeeded in waking her from her deep sleep. They’ve studied her medical history from every angle and pored over ancient texts for answers. They’ve experimented with various theories and filled universities with their learning. They’ve run a battery of tests till there were no surfaces left on her person to probe or puncture. Still she lays there dead to the world, baffling the wisest of worldly men.

The search for a cure has spawned extensive research and endless intellectual debates all over the world. Experts have been consulted, books have been authored and conferences conducted to discuss the peculiarities of her case. She's even unwittingly lent her name to organizations who’ve dedicated their cause to her living memory. She is loved and supported by people she will never meet or know.

She has survived every groundbreaking discovery in the field of medical science. No expense has been spared. No stone left unturned. But to no avail. A machine now breathes for her.

Her tired caregivers have now turned their efforts to making her more presentable to her kind well-wishers. They've disguised her sickly pallor with a rosy blush, painted her shrunken eyelids with rainbow hues and tinted her blue lips, a brilliant red. A liberal splash of floral scents masks the presence of bed sores while a specially tailored garment keeps atrophying limbs out of sight.

Those who step into her exclusive quarters are greeted with a view of a sensuous woman dressed in designer silk, reclining on smooth satin sheets and supported by soft fluffy pillows. Soothing music plays in the background so visitors are not alarmed to her real condition. An IV supplies nourishment to her veins while an invisible catheter discretely disposes her wastes. Her doctors are ever ready in case of an emergency. Their professionalism and excellent bedside manner has everyone believing she couldn't be in better hands.

But her doctors know a secret. Their patient is only useful to them as long as she sleeps on in oblivion. Can you imagine the consequences if she woke up? Her condition has provided hundreds of jobs and kept their established centers of 'wellness' solvent and debt-free for years. In fact, in the event she expires, they have planned a fancy funeral and a cemetery plot on prime property where the public can pay to picnic while fondly recalling the once famous woman she used to be.

13 "From the least to the greatest,
all are greedy for gain;
prophets and priests alike,
all practice deceit.

14 They dress the wound of my people
as though it were not serious.
'Peace, peace,' they say,
when there is no peace.

(Jeremiah 6: 13-14, New International Version)

How will we answer Jesus when he asks what we have done with His Body, His Bride, His Church?

EVERYTHING - Tim Hughes

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me
the hope of glory
You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me
the hope of glory
Be my everything

A God who reconciles

It's strange.
In the last one month, 4 of my friendships suddenly resolved themselves. I had nothing to do with it. Really!

1. M. who i had lost touch with for about 4 yrs. I was insensitive to her feelings and she had hung up on me. I tried to apologise many times but she never returned my calls. I spied her coming down the escalator at the hypermarket. She smiled at me and that was all the encouragement i needed! We exchanged handphone numbers again. She had lost her phone a couple of times (it appears she never received my messages).

2. J. one of my favourite students who dropped out of my bible class wrote me an email apologizing for quitting the way he did. That incident had made it a little awkward for us to be around each other. I asked him to forgive me too.

3. S. who warmly responded to my New Year wishes after i had given up on us remaining friends. She even gave me her new email address to keep in touch! I am absolutely relieved I am still her friend!

4. L. who didn't say goodbye when she suddenly left the house we were renting together nearly 3 years ago. That really gave me grief because we got along quite well.

L. tells me it must be God who is tying up some loose ends for me. Like prophet Elisha who settled his personal affairs before he accepted his new commission.

Honestly i don't know whether this means i am moving on but I do know it HAS to be God because i asked Him to fix my broken relationships. It's bad testimony for those of us who are supposed to be in the business of reconciling people back to Him! There are a couple more.... but God knows when and how.

Praying with Paul (Colossians 1:9-12)

God, fill me with the knowledge of your will

empty me of self-absorbed ambitions so that the full knowledge of your purpose fills me up to the brim. I do not want to be ignorant or dispassionate of your will for my life.

through all spiritual wisdom and understanding

help me discern what is your will, not by using human intellect but by discovering it through the revelation of your spirit. I don't want to guess or presume that I know what it is. How can the finite mind understand the intricate workings of your infinite wisdom? I don't want hints or suspicions. You are the God who speaks clearly, "this is the path, walk in it". Show me in Your Word. Explain it to my mind. Clarify it through others.

in order that I may live a life worthy of my Lord

I want to be a credible witness for you. I don't want to practice a different gospel from the one you preached. Consciously and consistently following in the Master's footsteps.

pleasing you in every way

to concentrate on making you proud of me without fear or favour of man. Even if nobody sees, let me always choose to walk in integrity before you. Even if I mess up, teach me to be responsible so you don't have to be ashamed of me.

bearing fruit in every good work

to succeed in every good work you've ordered me to do. 'Success' simply defined as doing your work your way. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. Help me remember that I'm not doing this for monetary reward or man's applause but at the end of the day to hear you say, "Well done good and faithful servant".

growing in the knowledge of God

I want first-hand knowledge of you, personally tutored by your spirit. Like Mary who chose to spend her time sitting at your feet.

strengthen me with all power according to your glorious might

I can't dictate what you can or cannot do in and through me. All things are possible with you. My weakness? Simply an opportunity for you to show me how strong you are.

so that I may have great endurance and patience

the real goal of my faith is the cultivation of character. It's not what I can gain in terms of power, position or popularity. It is always about becoming more and more like you.

and joyfully give thanks to the Father, who has qualified me to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light

bathe my heart with gratitude. Never let me forget what you have done for me eternally. You are my father. I am your heir. I have an incredible destiny in you. I am indeed blessed!

Who gets noticed in your church?

I have observed that those who get noticed in my church are usually pastors & elders, leaders, theologians, foreign speakers, MU football fans, married (or dating) couples, the visibly gifted, intellectuals, successful white-collar professionals and quite recently singles below 40.

Others get noticed for the wrong reasons or don't seem to get noticed at all.

The way I have been feeling recently made me go back to the Bible to see what it says of how we should treat our brothers & sisters in the faith. In I Corinth 13, Paul talks about the community of believers as a human body...made up of many parts - each having a specific function that contributes to the health of the whole body.

The New Living Translation puts it this way....

One Body with Many Parts

12 The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. 13 Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit.
14 Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. 15 If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? 17 If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?
18 But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. 19 How strange a body would be if it had only one part! 20 Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. 21 The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.”
22 In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. 23 And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, 24 while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. 25 This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. 26 If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.
27 All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.

Could it be that many 'significant' people in our church are being given the respect and honour that rightly belongs to those we consider weaker and lesser ? If we are to take Paul's explanation seriously, then the people we ought to proudly honour and fiercely protect are the

Coffee servers

Ushers

Church workers

Janitors

Blue-collar employees

Unemployed

Single mothers

Singles

Divorced

Barren

Clerks and typists

Financially disadvantaged

Disabled

Dysfunctional

Minority group pastors

Elderly

Etc

When we do notice them, what do we do? Offer an obligatory (once-a-year) gesture of appreciation that fits neatly into an 'ang pow' packet? Treat them like a charity case? Perform random acts of kindness when we feel like it?

Honestly, how many of us take time to befriend them? Lavish our love and affection on them the way we do for the more high profile people of our church community? Defend them and protect them from the harsh realities of life? Ask them if they feel safe and loved in our fellowship? And worry if they don't?

Why? There are many reasons.

Because they deserve nothing less. Because it is just and fair. Because God commands it. Because without them the church will become self-indulgent, obese and riddled with disease. Because we are called to mirror the Christ who chose the stable, revealed himself to poor shepherds, dined with miserly tax-collectors, touched the lepers and died for sinners.

This Christmas, pick someone who is 'invisible' or rarely gets noticed. Pick someone who is 'undeserving'. Pick someone who faithfully serves without recognition. Pick a 'nobody' and then spoil them silly! I have a hunch that Jesus would like that....a lot.

He picked you, didn't He?

Enough said

I was browsing in a pay less bookstore just looking for a bargain when i came across this book entitled 'In the eye of the storm' by Max Lucado. I just flipped it open and this quote caught my eye.

"A season of suffering is a small price to pay for a clear view of God"

Profound. I think its what Job would have said too.

My darling girl

I am suffering from emotional stress. My breathing is laboured and just last week i felt it choking the very life out of me. I had to see Dr. Mike. He said i am headed for a nervous breakdown if i don't deal with it. Seems like I've been dealing with it forever. How long Lord? How long must i suffer the unjust practices of so called 'godly' men? Forgive you said. Let it go. Bury the past and don't look back. I do but i see it again & again.

What is forgiveness? It's cancelling the debt owed to you. It's choosing to bear the consequences of someone else's sin. It's accepting the pain of betrayal while releasing your offender from the punishment he deserves. It's a very noble thing to do. It is for that reason, Jesus is my hero. It's why i think Nelson Mandela is a great man. But it's so very very hard.

A counsellor suggested that I feel like this because I have not fully forgiven. Just adding insult to my injury and salt to my wounds. If I am doing it wrong, tell me how to make it right. You think i enjoy this?

I feel unappreciated, unloved, and at times hated without cause. I feel that discrimination is alive & well even in the community of faith today. I feel it's worse if you are female and single because you have none to speak on your behalf. You feel like a liability, a non-entity, a big zero. I say 'feel', coz i want so much to be proven wrong. You give and give to others and in the end your hands are empty. I ask myself, and for what? Spare me the sermons on dying to self. I think i died a long time ago. But if i'm dead, how come it hurts so much?

Last week i broke down. I told God, you had the best years of my life. Now i want what's left. And then i cried some more. I felt i had come to the end of myself. But it's funny. In desperation i called my friend and she's talking but it's his voice i hear. He calls me...my darling girl. I am so FOR you. I break down again but this time i feel his love washing my wounds...healing my pain.

1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.

The Bible, Psalm 13 (New Living Translation)

10 habits of highly defective church leaders

A slip of tongue gave me the idea for this post! :o)
A friend of mine was telling me about a book he had borrowed from the library. Instead of "7 habits of highly effective people" i heard it as 'highly defective people'. I was practically raised in church and throughout my life, i've come across many ‘interesting’ characters in various leadership roles. Some of them have left what i will call a lasting impression on me and my family... I have listed what i think are the most damaging (the word defective lends to this!). I'm sure you will recognize some of these characteristics in people you personally know and perhaps even yourself? I am not putting anyone down. I am guilty too. So read and learn!

10 Habits of Highly Defective Church Leaders

(in no particular order)

1. Flattery, intimidation and manipulation are useful tools to get people to do what you want (because NOTHING must stand in the way of God's work!).
2. Constantly put others down so you can feel good about yourself (But don't forget to add, "Just kidding!").
3. DON'T TOUCH THE LORD'S ANOINTED! is useful to deflect unwarranted advice. (Unfortunately it works just as well on constructive criticism but who cares?)
4. Encourage open & honest communication, then promptly silence the one who doesn't quite 'flow' with what leadership is saying. (I'm sure Jesus will agree that nothing's more important than corporate unity!)
5. Love and cherish only those who agree with you; don't bother with people who won't back you up. (What did you say? That's what pharisees do? No way!)
6. You can always mask serious character flaws with personal charm and charisma.
7. Perform unqualified psycho-analysis on people you consider weak & problematic. (Btw, we don't call it judging coz the bible prohibits it)
8. Remember that stinginess is a true sign of godly stewardship. (If you must give it away, make sure you take the credit)
9. Readily admit your weaknesses (Once people know, they've no choice but to live with it)
10. Why have personal confrontations when you can do it from the pulpit?

This is Jesus!

This is Jesus
In His glory
King of Heaven dying for me,
It is finished,
He has done it
Death is beaten
Heaven beckons me.

Such love, such love

is this for me.

(I want us to just imagine that we're part of the curious crowd of people who followed Jesus around…)

We are impressed with his teaching and expert exposition of Holy Scriptures - such authority! Amazed at how he cleverly answers difficult questions thrown at him. We cheer when demons are expelled at his command and applaud when the lame walk and the blind see. Nothing is impossible for him! Why, he brings even the dead back to life! Do you remember how he raised Lazarus from the dead though he'd been lying in the grave for 4 days?

We're thrilled that he can feed multitudes with a few loaves of bread and still have leftovers in abundance. It warms our hearts to see lepers healed and restored to the community by a single touch. We nod approvingly as he takes little children into his arms to bless them. We marvel that he abandons protocol to mingle with tax-collectors and sinners - people considered misfits of conventional society.

We’re delighted at how he outwits the Pharisees who try to trick Him. We feel vindicated when he exposes the hypocrisy of religious leaders. We tremble at the way he clears the temple of greedy money-changers and dove sellers. What righteous indignation! A daring display of holy anger! Did you hear how he calmed the raging sea? How he walked on water? The people adore this Teacher, this Prophet, one of a kind Healer, Miracle-worker and Master over nature! Why, the crowd went wild, strewing their coats and palm branches before him as he rode into Jerusalem city. This god-man deserves to be King.

(But wait! This isn’t any run of the mill story with a Hollywood ending. This ‘John Wayne’ didn’t ride into the sunset.) We continue our journey.

 What about when he was betrayed by one he called friend? When he was unlawfully arrested and suffered the sham of a court trial? When he was falsely accused yet said nothing in his own defense? When he was sentenced to death without just cause? When he surrendered his body to his torturers to be beaten and spat on? When he offered no resistance and made no last minute appeal? When he looked sadly into the faces of the bloodthirsty crowd that had forgotten all the good he’d ever done? When he silently endured the taunts and insults of brutish unrepentant men? When the soldiers nailed him to the wooden beam where he had to remain till he drew his final breath?

What did you feel?
Disbelief? Disappointment and disillusionment perhaps? A sense of hopelessness? Grief for the way his life was abruptly ended? Anger at the injustice he had to suffer? Maybe disgust because he could not save himself?

As he hangs there, dying, we hear him speak the words that release his murderers from their guilt, 'Father, forgive them! They don’t know what they are doing'.

Our feelings give way to revelation.
Shame. Humility. Awe. Praise. Gratitude. and finally Surrender.

It is there, at the foot of the cross, looking up at his broken and bleeding body that you and I must bow our head, bend our knee and call him … Saviour and Lord.

Because at that moment, we receive an epiphany. All of a sudden, we understand the meaning of grace. And unconditional love. 

John3:16

 ¹⁶ “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

This is Jesus in his glory…. his limelight moment.

Words fail me Jesus.

You are my true hero.
You have shown us the way. Now teach us to follow you.

The resilient rose

I was online, searching for information on the desert rose and stumbled on some pictures. Wow! 3 words! Beautiful. Brilliant. Breathtaking! I never imagined they looked like that. The word desert itself does not immediately conjure up such visions of beauty. Think dry, dusty & dehydrated instead! Apparently, the desert rose a.k.a adenium or impala lily is a unique breed. One website said they are recognizable at a single glance coz they look like no other plant.

As i was reading .... i was reminded how last year, i was moaning to God about how much i disliked being in a period of dryness and being unproductive. You know when your prayers seem to bounce off the ceiling and life is temporarily suspended in time? (Seems as though, much of my life experiences this kind of weather.) Well, after i was done moaning (God listened quietly, coz He's such a good listener!) He offered, "I've got a new name for you - Desert rose". I asked Him, "Desert rose? Why desert rose?" He chuckled, "You prefer cactus?". That cracked me up but no i certainly didn't want to be called a cactus.

In my mind it means someone who reacts to a difficult situation by building protective defenses around them - becoming bitter & unapproachable in the process. On the other hand, the desert rose is someone who chooses to bloom regardless of what they have to endure. Interestingly enough, both plants store water in their stems to survive infrequent rains but while the needles of the prickly cactus draw blood, the rose blooms to bring pleasure (desert rose has no thorns). I know God's delays are not necessarily denials and i also know that God is right on time but it's still hard to wear a smile when the sun's out. However, since the resilient rose does not rely on the weather, i decided neither should i. I am happy to say, i survived the dry spell!

Back to the website in question, this site advocates growing the adeniums as nature intended and guarantees 'individuality of spiritual magnitude' if grown from seed. Apparently this approach yields a healthier and disease resisting plant. Uncanny! But i burst out laughing when I came across this line, 'We respect periods of dormance and dryness'.

Going down the blogging track

Yes, i am trying out this new thing called blogging! Well, new for me anyways. Meera helped me set it up, but i am still feeling my way around. i am discovering its like buying a new pair of shoes. You want something comfortable but which makes a daring statement at the same time. Know what i mean? Its got to flatter your feet without pinching your toes. The heel's got to be just right - high enough so you can strut your stuff but won't trip you when you need to hightail it out of someplace real quick! It must complement the clothes you wear but be able to warrant a conversation piece all on its own.

i wonder if it will become huggy and comfy like my favourite well-worn jeans..... (hmm there's another analogy for you..). Or will i have to stick it in the recycling bin, perhaps kiv for another day?...... Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Olé!!